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Unraveling Kin Keeping: Defining, Navigating, And Balancing It For A Healthier You

Are you always the one who seems to remember everyone's birthdays, organize family gatherings, or make sure everyone stays in touch? If you've found yourself nodding, you are probably the ‘kin keeper' in your family. Welcome, ladies, to part two of our exploration into kin keeping, a role that is often fulfilling but also garners unrecognized effort and can lead to burnout. In episode 27, we talked about how kin-keeping affects both our mental and physical health.

What is Kin Keeping? A Deeper Diver

Kin keeping involves maintaining, strengthening, and ritualizing family ties. Its effect seeps into different areas of your life, often subtly. In this post, let's delve deeper into understanding kin keeping and determine whether your method of handling it truly works for you.

Understanding the Prevalence of KinKeeping:

Archaic societal norms often place this task primarily on women. This subtle inheritance from mother to daughter often escapes conscious acknowledgement, and unwittingly, we find ourselves asking, “Why am I still doing everything? When will I finally get a break?

Kin keeping has indeed been practiced for centuries. But what if I told you that managing family ties doesn't necessarily have to be your sole responsibility?

Identifying, Preventing, and Balancing Kin Keeping:

In episode 27, we touched upon scenarios where you may be unconsciously preventing your partners from stepping in and helping out. Here are some strategies to help detect these scenarios and create boundaries to alleviate the stress that comes with overload.

References and Inspirations:

Understanding kin keeping and how to manage it can be quite the journey, but do not fear! We've got titans of thought to guide us. Two of my favorites are Zawn Villines and Jennifer Siebel Newsom.

Zawn Villines, a feminist icon, drops sensational truth bombs that make you re-evaluate societal norms. A famous quote that sticks with me is, “Men can do better. They are not incompetent. They chose not to do better. And one of the reasons they are able to make that choice is that an entire society lets them off the hook.

The words resonate on so many levels, going right to the root of the societal construct that perceives men as incompetent in household and emotional chores, which simply isn't true.

Jennifer Siebel Newsom's wonder work, Fair Play, should also be on your reading list. Fair Play explores how the invisible workload, or “care load,” is often disproportionately borne by women. Newsom's work shines a spotlight on this imbalance, encouraging us to make this workload visible and thus initiating a path towards more balanced partnerships and healthier relationships. Her book was a game-changer in my family's life.

Strengthen Your Relationships:

One significant advantage of finding balance in kin keeping A blossoming relationship with your partner! Believe it or not, sharing the kinkeeping load can lead to a more robust partnership and, yes, a spicier sex life! Communicate your needs, and remember that it's more than just romantic dinners out; it's about meeting emotional needs.


Ladies, kinkeeping is a monumental task, and it's high time we acknowledge it. It's okay to ask for help and share the load. Let's bust the myth that men aren't capable or competent sharers in this role. As we continue this journey, remember that your health and happiness matter. Begin the conversation, set your boundaries, and let's get to creating more balanced and fulfilled lives.

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Unraveling KinKeeping: Defining, Navigating, And Balancing It For A Healthier You