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How to survive the holidays with your mental health intact

Holiday Blues - Randi and Jess explore the Holiday Blues

Listen to Episode 18 on Holiday Blues!

In this episode we talk about the Holiday Blues. The holiday season can bring many joys to our lives, but it can also bring unwelcome guests — stress, depression, and anxiety. With some practical tips, you can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays and maybe even enjoy them.

Holiday Survival Guide: How to survive the holidays with your mental health intact at the end of our podcast

Here is the ebook on Holiday Blues that Randi and Jess shared during the episode!

Holiday Blues: How to Survive the Holidays with your Mental Health Intact

Ep 18 Holiday Blues

[00:00:00] Randi: 1, 2, 3, 4. Hi friends. It's Randy and Jess, and we're gonna cut the bullshit and let's get into

[00:00:08] Jess: women's mental health.

[00:00:13] Randi: Welcome to the podcast unapologetically All over the place with Randy and Jess, where we talk about women's mental health issues and how it's all normal.

[00:00:21] Jess: In this episode, we're gonna talk about the holiday blues.

[00:00:25] Randi: The holiday season can bring so much joy to our. Can also bring a lot of unwanted guests, unwanted stress, compound depression and anxiety with some practical tips we're gonna talk about in today's episode.

You can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays and maybe even slightly enjoy them slightly, right?

[00:00:45] Jess: Okay, so stick with us to the end. We're gonna tell you how you can get a copy of our holiday survival Guide, How to survive the Holidays with your Mental Health. We're gonna send it to you, but we're gonna tell you how to come and

[00:00:55] Randi: get it.

Yep. And for free. Free, We love anything free .

[00:01:01] Jess: All right. Have you ever thought,

[00:01:04] Randi: I love the holidays, but I also hate them?

[00:01:07] Jess: I wished I didn't have the deal with the stress of the holidays.

[00:01:11] Randi: Why are the holidays so difficult sometimes? I'm

[00:01:15] Jess: always broke by New Years.

[00:01:17] Randi: Why do I have to buy gifts for these people?

Or like my coworkers or like anybody You're just not feeling right now.

[00:01:25] Jess: Right? Or how about the stress? I'm always stressed. We talked about it last episode. Mm-hmm. trying to buy Randy a gift. . I don't know what to buy. The woman for holidays. So it's stressful, right? Or like I don't know how to deal with certain people,

[00:01:43] Randi: right?

Or Yeah, and same thing like maybe some people are easier to buy for or maybe some people aren't. Or like you said like How do I deal with Uncle Dick? Let's call him. You know, that like you don't like that much or you have opposing views on, Like that kind of stuff can be stressful when it's supposed to be.

What do they say the most wonderful time of the year? Right? . So

[00:02:06] Jess: they're supposed to be exciting and they're supposed to be fun. Mm-hmm. , and it's supposed to be magical, right? Right. This magic thing. Why is it so stressful? Why do we have such a hard time with

[00:02:16] Randi: it? Well, because it's like who creates the magic?

We do, I do. Moms do or women do, like you're trying to make things like special, but with that we can feel like we need to like go over the top with things and that can lead to financial burdens. The stress of just like even thinking of it or planning of it or like wanting to do it and then feeling like you're failing if you don't make it a certain way that you think it should be, you

[00:02:43] Jess: know?

Oh my gosh, yes. Holiday blues is described, by the way, This is not a DSM diagnosis. We can't actually diagnose you with holiday blues.

[00:02:54] Randi: It's just a plain old, uh, stress and. You know, crap like that. The

[00:02:59] Jess: crap like that is the temporary feelings, right? My technic technical term, the crap like that. It's the anxiety and the depression that you feel during the holiday seasons, right?

Mm-hmm. . And so we say holidays, when does this normally

[00:03:12] Randi: start? So it starts around November or December, and usually stops like January, February. But I would say like even now, like it's starting earlier and earlier as more and more I would say like retail. Media and things like that. Push holidays earlier and like sales more and more.

So I think that we can find it happening. You know, August right now? Yeah, August. It's mid-October right now, and we're recording this and we should already like have all the Christmas presents under the tree, like .

[00:03:42] Jess: Hey, I would have my tree up if it wasn't in my . Wedding vows that I had to wait till the day after Thanksgiving.

Oh my gosh. I mean, there is no honor or obey in our wedding vows except for the, You will not put a tree up until the day after

[00:03:57] Randi: Thanksgiving. You would have that in your wedding vows. Oh, no,

[00:04:00] Jess: it wasn't me. It was my husband. It was my husband. Okay. Going back to Sirius though. Yeah. Those that are already depressed or anxious are at a bigger risk, so you have to take care of yourself during this time of the year.

Mm-hmm. . So just know that. Already got all the anxiety or depression happening that when the holiday blues come around, it could make it worse for you, right?

[00:04:23] Randi: So it's like how do we plan ahead? How do we make sure we have the support we need during this? Make sure that like we're not being so overwhelmed, what are the triggers that we can experience and things that pitfall so that we can kind of avoid those.

[00:04:40] Jess: So the first one you've already said earlier was, we have unrealistic expectations. Like I'm expecting magic,

[00:04:49] Randi: right? Right. Fluffy, snow, sparkling angels coming down, singing all the most wonderful, exciting presence that you've always wanted, and that's not realistic.

[00:05:00] Jess: Yeah. Or you know, this year we're at a year where my daughter's 12.

Mm-hmm. and she's gonna hate everything. I got her. I already know that. Like, I think I'm doing a good job, but she's already said, Mom, don't buy me clothes. You, you don't know how to pick out clothes for me. And I'm like, Okay, cool. No clothes. Uhhuh . So I've basically have been like, just pick out everything you want and I'll stick it under the tree.

Right. Yeah. You know, some of the magic is gonna disappear.

[00:05:25] Randi: Right. That's true. Um, that does kind of come with it. And it, because my daughter is, you know, 16 and a half too, like, and her and I shop a lot together. Mm-hmm. and we're very similar like in things that we like and stuff too. And she will be like, Look at this mom.

And then I'll be like, Looking at her like, What the fuck? And I'm like, I already bought that, You know? And then she can tell cuz she can read me and she's like, You bought this for me already, didn't you? And I'm like, Stop talking, you know? And then, or yeah, she'll put something in the cart and I'm like, Put that back.

And she's like, Why did you already buy it? And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, leave me alone. Or she's always with me. And I'm like, Okay, this is, you're already seeing this Christmas present. It's gonna be wrapped under the

[00:06:05] Jess: tree. Growing up, my mom would put, give us boxes with their names on the backside of it so we could wrap our own gifts.

Mm-hmm. ? No, because she was like, I don't have time

[00:06:12] Randi: for this. You, you gotta help. I make my kids wrap their own. Well, my daughter loves to wrap and I don't, so I write numbers now, like on the back of everything. And I have, I'm like a crazy like gift person, so I have like a spreadsheet of like gifts cuz I will forget.

And she, um, wraps them all and then she's like, Was this mine? And I was like, Yeah, you wrapped it. But anyways, back to kind of things that can trigger us for these holiday blues. Like one of a major thing too is memories of like past holidays if they were good or if they were bad for you. Having family or friends not around or that have passed on, and that can be really, really hard.

That's very hard for me too, with the loss I've had in my life and losing my mom because Christmas time she made very, very special for us. Like always she made the magic. Yeah. And so I feel like. Everything's up to me to make the magic now. And like am I measuring up? And then like she's not here to see this and like my kids don't get to know her.

And it's like, so all that stuff can kind of snowball and compound and trigger, you know me. So that's very common to happen. Yeah, I mean

[00:07:18] Jess: it is. This is when we remember. Oh. You know, like my uncle passed earlier this year. Mm-hmm. , this is the first year without him. Right. And so there are things that are gonna be different.

Mm-hmm. , you know, from like my parents or for other people in the family. And so it is, it's hard when we don't have our loved

[00:07:35] Randi: ones. Yeah. And you kind of mourn like what it was or like what your traditions were before and like how they look now. And I've kind of found. Joy in creating new traditions and trying to kind of let go of those other ones that, you know, might be bringing me down during the holidays.

So that's something kind of like I've, you know, used to like combat that. What

[00:07:54] Jess: Randy is giving away is she's telling you a little bit more about our, um, holiday survival guide that we're gonna have at the end of this. Mm-hmm. . You're gonna get to read about that. Yeah. In our holiday survival guide. Okay. So another one is a lot of people feel lonely or like they're isolated, right?

Mm-hmm. , especially like the last couple of years where we haven't been able to travel as much or see family as much. Yeah.

[00:08:18] Randi: Or like people are sick. Plans change or you don't wanna get a loved one. Sick. But like sometimes I feel too, when we are surrounded, even with like huge groups of family or friends during the holiday season, it can sometimes make us feel more lonely.

Mm-hmm. . So you can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely. And that's normal.

[00:08:38] Jess: Yeah. And not connected to somebody that, that can be very normal. Yeah. Sometimes

[00:08:42] Randi: it can make the connection seem like even further cuz you might feel. Family issues or triggers and can feel that deep, you know, loss all of a sudden, even with somebody sitting right across from you.

What always

[00:08:55] Jess: gets me though is the, uh, feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Mm-hmm. , there always feels like there's so much for me to do. Right. Um, you know, I wanna make the cookies, I wanna make sure I do this, I wanna make sure I have that right. And so it just becomes very overwhelming. For a lot of people. I mean, I know I'm not the only one.

Oh yeah.

[00:09:13] Randi: And I'm the, I'm the type two, like I wanna do all the things. But then it's like, okay. And I think that's where this workbook can come, you know, into play to and help people is like writing down too. Like what you really want to accomplish and focus on whether that is really like being present or like the time or like maybe picking like one or two of those things.

Maybe I really wanna go ice skating and create, you know, that memory or like I wanna bake cookies or whatever it is. Or I wanna have friends over maybe picking like one of those things. So it's not like all these things and thinking you have to accomplish them all. And then ending up in this cycle that like, Oh, I didn't do any of this and this is shitty and this sucks.

Also, holding those realistic expectations, like you might go ice skating. It might suck. Like there might be too many people there. Like your kids might scream and cry the whole time like, But

[00:10:02] Jess: are we gonna get a good picture for social media? Right. ? That's what I wanna know. Are we gonna get a good picture for social media?

Yeah,

[00:10:09] Randi: don't worry about that stuff. Try to kinda piece together like, and be realistic and intentional about what you want to do for the holidays, I think could help. But there's also a lot of seasonal factors like physical things that come into play that can affect us. And what do those look

[00:10:24] Jess: like?

Especially where we are, we have less sunlight. Most people start eating the office potlucks come in lot sugar. Yeah. Or like holiday parties and getting together with friends and eggnog and rum.

[00:10:39] Randi: So drinking more alcohol.

[00:10:41] Jess: Yeah. Yeah. Drinking more, uh, sleeping less. Right. We, we have it kind of shoved down our throat every store we go to that it's the wonderful time of the year.

Yeah.

[00:10:50] Randi: So it's over, you know, over commercialized. I have gotten like, I think every single, what is it? Holiday gift guide. Toy Gift guide. Like sitting Oh, in the last week? Yeah, like in the last couple of weeks. And they're like all over my house cuz my son's like circling every single toy in it. And I'm like, Santa ain't coming this year, bro.

[00:11:10] Jess: every, Yeah, I've already, she's already been like, I want this and this and this

[00:11:13] Randi: and that. Yes. And I'm like, no. And I try to reiterate to myself and the kids, it's not about the gifts, but it's hard because it is shoved down our throat.

[00:11:23] Jess: Okay, so let's go back to, um, the other thing, do we even mention that, like how much it costs?

Do we talk about

[00:11:29] Randi: money? Yeah. Yeah. And it can, and that's the thing, like I think we feel this need to overperform and over buy in my other social media platform, I talk about savings a lot. Mm-hmm. , and this is something very near and dear to my heart, is that you should buy throughout the year and not stress yourself out financially, but it's very hard for people to do.

Most of us live paycheck to paycheck, but you should not put yourself in debt. In debt, nope, at all for the holidays. Go to the Dollar Tree and buy a few things if you need to put 'em under the tree, like do not put yourself in debt for this. It is not worth like the heartache and like that hill you're gonna have to climb or the pit.

You're gonna have to dig yourself out of putting yourself in financial debt that is gonna cost way more stress, anxiety, depression, and heart. Media doesn't care. They're just like, Bye bye bye. You know? And things are hard right now. You know? Food costs are up. Yep. Housing costs are up. Yep. Gas is up. So it's like really weigh like what is important and like what you need to buy.

And kinda don't fall into like the hype of like, you need to have 20,000 things under the tree. Well, you know, a lot of people too, they do a thing, um, which I've tried to practice over the last few years too, is like, you get them want like one thing they need. Mm-hmm. one thing, they want a little experience and like a book or something like that.

So it's like, I think that can help like Reign, you know, us into, of those of us who like to shop

[00:12:58] Jess: or feel like, Oh my God, I love shopping though. That's the thing is that. You saw my hallway when you walked in.

[00:13:03] Randi: I know. I know. Girl ,

[00:13:04] Jess: I have all my boxes are showing up, but I'm like,

[00:13:07] Randi: Oh man, I in and I know you got closets full too.

So, And then there's a lot of physical Yeah. Symptoms that come with this too, that we don't think about. And those can look differently for everybody too, when the holiday blue is hit.

[00:13:21] Jess: Those are things like changes in appetite. Mm-hmm. , you can either eat more or less, most of us eat more. Mm-hmm. . Right. Uh, changes in sleep

[00:13:30] Randi: patterns.

Yeah. And that's really common too, because the daylight hours are shorter. Mm-hmm. , and we don't adjust. To like our sleep schedule on patterns for that. And so then our whole, like a body chemistry gets thrown off because of that. Because, And it depends too. Stupid time change. I know it depends too where you're at on the equator and how much sunlight you get and all these things come into play that we don't think about.

And

[00:13:53] Jess: it doesn't, These really Duke, they look like depression. They do. They're thinking about it. Right. But it's like a temporary, right? Yeah. It's, it's feelings of like worthlessness and guilt and like the more tired or more anxious. Right. Those are all holiday

[00:14:08] Randi: blues. Yeah. Or just being like, I don't wanna do any of it at all.

Like when you've been like so excited for it and now you're like, uh, you know, there's like a gray area there, likening to yourself, like, you know, wanting when to step back and then there's like weight. Am I really just pulling away, you know, and isolating myself from everybody and everything.

[00:14:26] Jess: I know you get sad.

Seasonal affect disorder. I do. We've talked about that. Mm-hmm. , um, one of our first podcasts, Right? So seasonal affect disorder, uh, is the type of depression that's related to changes in the seasons, Right? For the people out there. And that has a lot to do with like the light and the cold and the Right.

The lack of vitamin D. Right? Um, but what's the difference between that and holiday blues?

[00:14:47] Randi: Okay. Well, seasonal effective disorder commonly. SAD is actually diagnosable in the DSM five and they label it as major depressive disorder with a seasonal pattern. So that is like, you know, pretty much like every, every single, Yeah, every single year during this season, your depression is going to hit harder than normal.

About like 5% of adults have this, it usually onsets. Anywhere between age like 18 and 30. Um, and I would say mine came like probably around after 30, or it depends on where you live. Like when I moved from a sunnier place to a place with less sunlight is when I really noticed it coming into play more and more.

And so this last like about, you know, 40% of the year, so like, um, starts hitting more on like November, December and then into January and February is when it can hit you. Yeah,

[00:15:46] Jess: I could see that. So I know that, like we've talked before about like it's treated with um, like a light therapy. Mm-hmm. , uh, vitamin D is one of the ones too cuz we're not getting that.

Yeah. So making sure you get your vitamins checked by your doctor. Yeah. So you know how much to take.

[00:16:02] Randi: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Cuz they generally suggest the overall population take like 2000. What is it? Ui, iu, i, I don't know, Um, a day. So it's like if you have seasonal effective disorder, you're definitely probably gonna wanna up that.

So it's good to talk to your doctor about that. Um, they say like, Vitamin B is good, Like, I personally take vitamin D, Vitamin B I use a light therapy. Um, I actually have a video of me using it. I can post it for you guys too cuz you like supposed to use it between like, you know, 10 to 20 minutes a day at like a certain angle.

I just keep it on my desk like when I'm working and put it on doing psychotherapy. C B T therapy is really good too to like, just kinda like have somebody to talk through it. And things too, like making your overall like environment like brighter and sunnier can help elevate your mood too. Like open up all your windows.

Don't I do

[00:16:55] Jess: every morning I go through, through, I do go to, Yeah. Open up all my blinds. I have changed all our bulbs in our house to be these bright whites. My family is like, What are you doing? Mm-hmm. . But I, I want 'em all nice and bright during, During the winter. Yeah. Because when it's so dark here. Yeah.

And that's usually when we start adding like our twinkle lights. Right. And I bring out the. Ball thing with like, you know, sparkly like mm-hmm. . Cuz I want to bring in a little warmth.

[00:17:20] Randi: Warmth, yeah. More cheap even. It's just like, kind of like the environment, like we were saying. Mm-hmm. , like the idea of warmth.

I think. Like we need that. And sometimes just feeling like your envelope in that, you know, coziness can help. And like even getting outside, you know, to get a little bit of sunlight, like where we live, it can get really cold. Knowing, but like, this is how Justin and I connected, you know, was that we started walking during the winter months in our big puffy jackets.

Yeah. In our big puffy jackets, beanies and gloves and stuff because we both needed to get out of the house and get a little bit of sun and like move our bodies because the winter months can be really hard for us.

[00:17:57] Jess: Yeah. They're a lot harder than I thought they would be, to be honest, because of the, the weather.

Yeah. Um, but man, I love, I sit by the window and do therapy and I see these women out. Man, one of 'em, she loves to walk the neighborhood and she walks in her little, like little ice crushing, like, you know, add-ons to her shoes.

[00:18:16] Randi: And you can hear her. Yeah. Can get little like, like, uh, What are those Spikes?

Spikes they put on. I'd never seen those until we moved here. I was like, What are those? And

[00:18:23] Jess: I have a pair, but she's like, click, click, click, click, click, click every morning. And she's getting in her. All of this is so stressful and the weather is getting kind of funky. How do we prevent this? It can

[00:18:36] Randi: be like when you're rolling down this hill of kind of like, you know, holiday blues or if you're think you're moving into like seasonal depression, like it can be hard to.

Stop that train on the tracks. So you really have to be aware of these things and how it has affected you in the past so that as you're moving forward, you can kind of take these tools and utilize them better. And so the first step is acknowledging like how the holidays really make you feel. Are they hard on you?

Like it doesn't have to be this magical time. Like it can be very hard, like being honest with. I just do not like this holiday period. I don't like Christmas, I don't like Hanukkah, whatever it is. I don't like December. I don't like the weather. Like that's okay. Like own it and like think like how can I.

Flip this around for myself. It's also okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel your grief. It's okay to talk about your feelings. Don't force yourself to be happy just because it's like the holiday season. Don't fake it till you make it. That's not gonna help you. That's going

[00:19:44] Jess: back to our toxic positivity, episode five, if you haven't heard that one yet.

Mm-hmm. going back to that. Yeah. My. Doesn't like Christmas. He is not, he doesn't like the money being spent. He doesn't really like the tradition. He's the Grinch. Huh? . Oh my gosh. Yeah. This year we have shirts. We didn't get matching PJs, but I got us matching shirts and his literally is the Grinch. We all have different, Grinch called it

Yes. And he is, this is my, my jolly face. Right? Right. It's the Grinch making a face. But that's

[00:20:14] Randi: because they trigger him. Right.

[00:20:16] Jess: It triggers him. And we've worked out between us that I like the holidays. I won't go over the top, but please don't also bring me down. Right? And so we've kind of found a nice balance

[00:20:28] Randi: and that's something Yeah, you have to compromise.

Yeah. And that's a huge part of marriage too. You know, when you've been with somebody that long is like understanding too, like the things that trigger them. Like, you know, they might not, not associate Christmas with happiness. That might be, you know, a horrible time for them in their lives when. A child or things like that, you, you don't know all the baggage everybody else carries with them.

[00:20:47] Jess: Right. And so we've compromised, right? And so, so part of this is we've talked, we reached out to each other. Mm-hmm. , we talked about what's going on, right? Mm-hmm. . And that's the other part is if you're feeling like this, reach out to those around you. Friends or family, or your therapist or you know, your pastor or whoever, and talk to them about

[00:21:07] Randi: or support group.

I mean, finding Grinch is our US support group. I mean, I'm sure there's one, like on Facebook somewhere, you know, Grinch is ours. There's a group for everything. But like, you know, if you're feeling that. Like, and you know that you need connection. Sometimes it is easy to just be like, Well, nobody's calling me, nobody's texting me.

Like nobody's reaching out to me. Well, you know, make the first step sometimes. Yeah. You know, because that can be healing for you. Yeah. And let's be

[00:21:31] Jess: realistic. That's the other piece is be realistic. Everything is changing. You know, we have found since we've moved and then the pandemic. I really like being home on Christmas day with my kid and my jammies.

I mean, like, that's kind of a goal for us. Not traveling is awesome. It is. And we're not traveling anymore. Yeah. And, and it, it changed things,

[00:21:53] Randi: right? Yeah. But sometimes that's hard for other people to accept,

[00:21:55] Jess: right? Yes. Mm-hmm. , the other family is like, but, but I'm like, Mm, we really enjoy being home on Christmas in our jam.

It changes. And so just be realistic about what your expectations or what you need.

[00:22:10] Randi: Well, and like you were talking about too, like you have an adult child and it's like they might not be able to come home for Christmas. No, they won't be. They will have their own life or their own things. They will be moving on too.

And it's like understanding that too, you know, from both sides. And like, like you said, creating a new pattern or tradition with them. Like maybe you FaceTime with them. We instead Yeah, we do,

[00:22:30] Jess: We, we pop up our, our little Amazon. Face time thingy. Mm-hmm. . And he calls us and we, he opens up the present from us.

Yeah. Or we, we talk for a little bit. And then, you know, and it kind of, you had talked, I think last episode about like a long present opening. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. . But we take time and we, we set it aside for him.

[00:22:50] Randi: Just because it looks different, doesn't mean you can't find joy in it or find a way to celebrate

[00:22:55] Jess: it.

Yeah. I love it. I love, And the other thing we sometimes will do is make cookies with my mom, right? Mm-hmm. , who's not in the same state. Right. You know, we'll both make cookies or buy cookies. Yeah. .

[00:23:06] Randi: And then we'll save time. Yep.

[00:23:08] Jess: Buy cookies and then we'll decorate 'em and she can decorate 'em and we can have a conversation.

Cup of tea. Mm-hmm. , you know, there's no reason why we can't do the same thing together. And I think we learned that during, you know, the pandemic actually, that's,

[00:23:22] Randi: Yeah. I like that. That's a, that's a fun idea too. Sometimes you can take the time to like, set aside like differences and um, or maybe even find, you know, forgiveness for.

Doesn't mean you have to forget things, but sometimes forgiveness. It's not about the other person, it's about yourself too. Mm-hmm. and like laying that burden down for yourself. And sometimes you can find that kind of peace I feel during, you know, the holidays or maybe to like let it go and like maybe I'll touch base on back on that later.

But, Or

[00:23:52] Jess: like politics. I mean, that's a thing to set us. Side politics is kind of be like, let's not talk about politics during the holidays.

[00:23:59] Randi: Yeah. Let, let's just make this a rule and like it is a rule at our

[00:24:02] Jess: house. Mm-hmm. that no politics at the dinner table. Mm-hmm. , we will not go there. We love everybody for who they are and we all get to make choices.

Right. Yeah. So set aside those

[00:24:11] Randi: differences. Yeah. Another great tip is to stick to a budget like . What I know that's like really hard to do, but you know, before you get, you know, into that debt hole. You don't want that. Think about what that is gonna entail, you know? And that can help you stick to your budget too.

Um, Don't, you can't buy happiness.

[00:24:33] Jess: No, you can't. I

[00:24:34] Randi: mean, I mean, , you can buy temporary, like serotonin, which is, you know, my Amazon delivery every day. But, um, what, not every day. Just kidding. But, um, she's not kidding. . There are other things, and you know what I find a lot of joy is like volunteering and buying things for those in need.

Mm-hmm. , um, over, you know, going crazy during the holidays. And that also helps me put things into perspective and stick to my budget. Yeah. I

[00:25:02] Jess: have, uh, friends that they'll say, Don't buy as gifts. Don't buy the kids gifts. Mm-hmm. , we, we don't need anything. Right. We make enough money. Mm-hmm. , if you want to take, if you want to give.

Donate in their name for their birthday, right? Yeah. And I was like, Okay, you know, if you wanna give cuz you feel like you wanna give, then great. Pick a charity. Or they'll pick a charity and say, We are donating to this one. Yeah. Or

[00:25:25] Randi: like put it in a college fund. Like we have a savings account for our kid.

If you feel the need, like put it in there. So what we do

[00:25:31] Jess: for a lot for my daughters. Yeah. Like she doesn't need cash. Just put it in her savings account for her, you know, college fund and there you go. Yeah. Which is great. Uh, some families do like a gift exchange, so you're only buying one gift. Yes. Some families, you know, they'll do homemade gifts.

Everybody brings in a gift. It's like that. Oh my gosh. The cookie exchanges. Do you ever do the

[00:25:51] Randi: cookie parties? Yes. I used to hold a cookie party every year. Of course I did what you did. I cut that out as one of the things that stressed me out, but I was thinking of doing it again this year. But just remind me.

Okay. Cause I

[00:26:00] Jess: mean, that sounds like fun. No, it does. To, Everybody gets cookies because I'm not a great baker, but I can make chocolate chips. Right. And then somebody else, I'll buy some or buy some, and then everybody else does something. That's a great idea. Mm. Planning

[00:26:13] Randi: ahead, right? That's, yeah, what we talked about earlier and stuff like consider your planning, your shopping, your budgeting, like all this stuff.

Write it down in the workbook that we're gonna give you guys. Like lay it out. So you see that in black and white. And then set aside like that time like okay, I'm gonna do, you know, my baking on this day. Mm-hmm. , I'm gonna do my shopping on this day. Like it really can, you know, help you when you don't leave things till last minute.

I know a lot of us thrive on that. I'm gonna say AKA me because especially when I was undiagnosed adhd, like we do everything last minute cuz like we thrive off of the stress of that. But now, like the older I'm getting, I'm finding like that causes more chaos. Know, more

[00:26:56] Jess: anxiety. I'm like, Oh, I

[00:26:57] Randi: don't wanna do that.

And depression and all that kind of stuff. So it's like, really, for me, planning out that I'm gonna get this stuff done and not doing it last minute have helped me combat like the holiday blues and my seasonal effect of disorder.

[00:27:10] Jess: Well, and for me, if I plan it out, I can also budget better. Mm-hmm. , like I can go, Okay, for Thanksgiving, I'll start talking here soon.

What do we wanna have? Right. Right. Cause we don't, Yeah.

[00:27:20] Randi: Especially with groceries and the cost of stuff right now. Yeah. If you can get it when it's, Sale earlier and not wait to when they jack up the prices. Yeah. Which is something I talk about a lot or like the sales cycles and stuff, is like, you will put yourself in a better, uh, position financially and the, and thus mentally too.

Oh

[00:27:40] Jess: man. Last year I was just thinking it was a hot mess. I had to have those Christmas poppers. Right. You, you know, the crackers. Yeah. I had to have those and so , I dragged my. Down to the store. Right? Yeah. Cause we were gonna get 'em and it was like so busy that day. Mm-hmm. , it was complete chaos. We got food to go.

We're at like the Albertson's. Mm-hmm. got food to go and in the midst of all of this, she spills the food. I mean, like we were chaos.

[00:28:09] Randi: Everything's just going wrong. Yeah. Right. But I

[00:28:11] Jess: got my. But was it worth it? ? No. No. And that's what I was thinking. It was not worth it. She and I kind of melted down. Yeah. And it was like, I should have planned better.

And so those are, that's what's writing everything down, is to make sure that I've got my crackers this year. Cause I want my poppers.

[00:28:28] Randi: Cause you want 'em and you don't wanna stress out. So now you're ahead of the game. Right? Yeah. Well it's like the same thing like my mom always. Like these chocolate oranges like in our store.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And so I was always like, My kids need to have these chocolate oranges. I don't even like chocolate. I'm one of those weird people don't ask me. It makes me sneeze anyways. It's a whole thing. And my kids don't like them. And I was like, Why am I always stressing myself out that I need these, these oranges?

We live in a place that doesn't have a lot of stock of things and like, you need, we need to order most of our stuff online. But it's like, and I was like, they don't get. My kid doesn't eat the sugar. I don't like them. I'm not going to eat them. Like my husband doesn't like them. I'm like, Oh my God. Okay.

Like let it

[00:29:08] Jess: go. So it's okay to make new traditions

[00:29:10] Randi: is what I'm hearing. Yeah. And to say no to yourself too. Yeah. That's another one. Saying no overall Yes to extra things. Other people, extra work. Like your boss, your colleague that wants to push off some work on you. No, just say that. People

[00:29:23] Jess: that wanna show up that you're like, Not really.

I don't, I don't have this space. If you have a hard time saying no, go back to episode six that we recorded about boundaries. Yes. That is a great one to go back and listen. Boundaries are amazing. Yeah. So the other one is don't let go of the healthy habits you're doing if you are walking or you're eating healthy.

Mm-hmm. , keep that with. I make sure that, you know, we both, I can't eat sugar. I don't, we don't eat gluten. Right. Um, and so when we go places, I make sure that they have food we can eat or I just bring it with us. Yeah. To make sure that, you know, there is something somewhat healthy. There is a meat and cheese tray that we can have.

Yeah. Because sometimes people don't think like that. Mm. And so stick to your

[00:30:11] Randi: habits. Well, and a lot of people use the holidays, let's be honest, as an excuse to backslide with their health. You know, like their habits, their drinking. Like, well, everybody was having a drink, you know, you were being jolly.

Like everybody kept asking me or like, they didn't have any other options, you know, there for me to eat. Like, and then I just ate this and I ate this and I ate this, and now I feel like shit. Well, it's like, okay, let's plan. What you can do. You know, don't use it as an excuse. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body, take care of your mind, take a breath so that you're not feeling like shit at the end of the holidays.

You're not triggering your anxiety and your depression or your other mental health issues just because you decided to over-indulge in the.

[00:31:00] Jess: And one of the things I tell all of my clients is, if you're struggling with drinking too much, I want you to have a glass in your hand at all times, but I want you to replace it with water.

Mm-hmm. , right? And if you're somewhere that you're like, they'll look at me weird. If I have water, then just get like a tonic

[00:31:18] Randi: water with a water. Don't get a sparkling water. Sparkling water sparkling wa. The non-alcoholic juice, like they have, you know Right. Um, or whatever. Like I do that all the time. I'll just put a little something in my hand so I feel like I have it.

Yeah. Like, cuz I feel like a lot of times we feel like we need like this prop or this crutch or so people don't comment about it. Yep. Because they do. And they'll be like, Why aren't you drinking? Can't you have a drink? Just have a, The pure pressure of it is like really weird. Especially with food too.

Like what people will always be like, Why aren't you eating? Don't you wanna try this? Don't you wanna take a bite? Take a bite, take a bite. And it's like, No, no. Again, boundaries. Back to episode six. Boundaries. Listen to it. It's gonna be a good listen. It's gonna be on repeat for me too during the holidays.

Like boundaries, like, no, but

[00:32:00] Jess: yeah, it is such a good thing to always have a glass, right? Mm-hmm. . And most of the time we're, we're thirsty, right? And so it's to have a glass that is non-alcoholic or if you want a, an alcoholic beverage, have one. But replace it with like two glasses of water, No, two glasses of something and alternate.

So that way you're just not slamming, you know? Right. Drinks the whole time. I loved what you said about taking a breather. Yes. Right. That is great. Step back, most people are not breathing. I think there's like a 500 page book just on breathing out there. Yeah, because people

[00:32:34] Randi: don't breathe and you can go to our YouTube channel and see how, just force me to box, breathe totally force her was great.

And it's, it's so funny though because like, and I was talking about this too with a friend and they were like, Yeah, you are not a good breather. Cuz I was like, Jessica was like telling me like, I'm not doing it right. You were. And I was like, no, I know I'm not. I'm a very shallow breather. But ever since you've made me do that, I've been more conscious about it and taking the time to breathe.

Even just that simple, you know, her putting me. Spot making me breathe. I'm like thinking like chess would think I'm breathing really shitty right now. I need to breathe. But it's holding me like accountable to that. Like even, you know, for that like five second clip we did or whatever.

[00:33:13] Jess: Yeah. And I love practicing breathing with people.

Most people don't breathe. No, they don't breathe deep. And really, it's so relaxing for me to actually say, Okay, let's do it. No, no. You're not holding it. What makes you pause too? Yeah. So it's really a good thing that I do. But yeah, that video, I was watching it the other night when I was on our channel.

Mm-hmm. . I was laughing . I was like, Yeah, I didn't even

[00:33:37] Randi: warn you about it. Oh my God. We'll put the link up to our YouTube channel too. We've been throwing on some funny clips and stuff up there. Yeah. Us there. But you know, and even just taking a break. By yourself in the quiet or turning on music, whatever it is that looks for you.

I don't like a lot of sounds, so I'll usually be like, you know, sit down 15 minutes, quiet to Zen out. But like, sometimes that can be like, you know, just screaming out loud to the music

[00:34:00] Jess: in the car. My daughter and I like to lay on the trampoline and like, look at the stars. Mm-hmm. , sometimes we, we've done that a lot.

We just kind of lay there and like check it out. Or we'll sit in the back of the pickup truck and look at the stars. Mm-hmm. Sometimes it's, it's taken my book and my cozy blanket and a cup of tea. Yeah. And hiding in my corner of my room

and

[00:34:19] Randi: reading. Yeah. And those don't things. Don't cost a lot. Nope. Get you a cute little blanket.

You know they have 'em for $5 at Walmart, Cozy up, and your book from the library. You

[00:34:29] Jess: can also take your bougie ass blanket and your bougie cup of tea. You can

[00:34:33] Randi: do whatever that

[00:34:34] Jess: looks like for you. And you can even mix and match 'em too. Yeah, that's a cool thing. There's no judgment here. Oh yeah.

[00:34:39] Randi: I'm a big on high low.

If you guys know, like I will wear like. Most expensive boots with like a pair of jeans from Walmart. I'm all about that. So she will. She will. I will. I'll own it. She does.

[00:34:52] Jess: Okay. Last thing really truly is to get help, right? If you are not sure if you're just feeling holiday blues or if you're anxious, or if you're depressed, Talk to somebody like us who knows the difference because you wanna be able to get

[00:35:08] Randi: the help.

Episode two, we talk about depression. Mm-hmm. . And we also have a checklist on our website. So if you are thinking those things, and we also put on there how you can approach your doctor or professional, how to talk to them if you're like anxious about that and. That that can really help when you're seeking professional help.

Yeah. And the

[00:35:26] Jess: other episode we had was episode seven for anxiety. Mm-hmm. . So we've kind of broken some of this down for you and we'll continue to break it down because really we want to end the stigma of mental health.

[00:35:38] Randi: Yep. We do. And with that, you know, you have to learn how to empower yourself. Mm-hmm.

and that's why. We're really passionate about bringing these tools to you, um, and bringing them to you free for the masses because we don't want there to be barriers for women to have access and to control their mental health and wellbeing. And you guys can grab our, um, holiday survival guide. On our website, Randy, and just podcast.com for free.

Just sign up for our newsletter and you'll get it. Woo-hoo. Yeah, so excited.

[00:36:09] Jess: Beat the holiday blues guys. You guys have this? Yes. I'm sorry ladies. You have this. Take care of yourself. Yes, and we're gonna have happy holidays here. Let's see. That's right, . All right. Talk to you next time.

[00:36:24] Randi: Oh, thanks for listening and normalizing mental health with us.

[00:36:28] Jess: Don't free to check out our free resources and favorites on our website, unapologetically, randy and jess.com

[00:36:34] Randi: like and share this episode, and tune in next week.

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Episode 18 – The Holiday Blues